You Are in Control
One of the most powerful realizations I have had is that I am 100% responsible for everything in my life – the good, the bad, and everything in between. When I first heard this concept, I was resistant to the idea: while I have always believed “If it is to be, it’s up to me,” many things in my life were obviously impacted by other people or circumstances beyond my control.
But then I realized that regardless of the circumstances or what happens, I have control over how I respond. This is incredibly empowering; taking full responsibility means stepping into complete control of your life. It’s the difference between being a passenger and being the driver of your own destiny.
Take Back Your Power
Many people feel like victims of circumstance, believing life simply “happens” to them. Sure, some things that happen are beyond our control. But you are in full control of how you respond to whatever happens. Two people can go through the same hardship — an abusive childhood, financial ruin, an illness diagnosis — and emerge with completely different mindsets and outcomes. Some succumb to despair and self-pity, while others rise up, stronger and more determined than ever. Why? Because of how they choose to respond.
Your life is the sum total of all of your past choices and actions. Your health, relationships, finances, career, and happiness are all results of decisions you have made — or failed to make. And while that may seem daunting at first, it’s actually the best news possible: since you created your current reality, you have the power to create a different, better one.
The Psychology of Control
Psychologists have long studied the impact of control — or the perception of control — on human behavior and well-being. A foundational concept in this research is locus of control, a term coined by psychologist Julian Rotter in the 1960s. People with an internal locus of control believe they have the power to influence their own lives through effort, choices, and perseverance. In contrast, those with an external locus of control attribute outcomes to fate, luck, or external forces beyond their influence.
At the extreme end of an external locus of control lies a phenomenon called Learned Helplessness, a concept developed by psychologist Martin Seligman in the 1960s. His research with dogs showed that when individuals experience repeated negative events beyond their control, they may come to believe that no effort will change their situation — leading to passivity, resignation, and even depression. Later studies extended this to humans, demonstrating that when people perceive themselves as powerless for long enough, they stop trying to improve their circumstances, even when opportunities for change arise.
This stands in direct contrast to the empowering mindset of control. Studies have shown that individuals who believe they can influence their outcomes — whether in health, career, or relationships — tend to be more resilient, motivated, and successful. For example, cancer patients who feel a sense of control over their treatment — by adopting healthier habits, staying positive, and actively participating in their care — often experience better health outcomes than those who feel helpless. Similarly, in work and personal life, a strong sense of control is linked to greater perseverance, problem-solving, and life satisfaction.
The lesson is clear: While external factors will always play a role, the belief that you are in control of your responses, actions, and mindset determines the trajectory of your life. If you ever find yourself feeling powerless, challenge that belief. You are in control — and your actions can change everything.
Extreme Ownership: The Path to Freedom
Jocko Willink, a retired Navy SEAL, wrote an entire book, Extreme Ownership, on the concept of taking full responsibility for every aspect of your life. If your business is failing, you don’t blame the economy or your employees, you take ownership and solve the problems. If your relationship is struggling, you don’t blame your partner — you take ownership and decide what you can do better. If you’re out of shape, you don’t blame your genetics — you take ownership and focus on what you can change.
When you embrace total responsibility, you eliminate excuses. When you stop blaming external factors, you regain control over your life.
Real-World Examples: The Power of Choice
Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychologist, wrote in Man’s Search for Meaning that the last of human freedoms is the ability to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances. Despite suffering unimaginable horrors, he found meaning and purpose, proving that even in the worst conditions, we control our responses.
Jim Abbott, a one-handed pitcher, not only made it to Major League Baseball but also threw a no-hitter — something most two-handed pitchers never achieve.
Bethany Hamilton, a surfer who lost her arm to a shark attack, could have given up. Instead, she got back on the board and became a professional surfer, inspiring millions.
Nick Vujicic, born without arms and legs, didn’t let his physical condition limit him. He became a motivational speaker, author, and entrepreneur, proving that limitations are only in the mind.
No More Blame, Only Power
Blame is a trap. The moment you blame, you surrender control. But when you take 100% responsibility for everything in your life, you gain ultimate power.
You can be anything. You can do anything. The only limits are the ones you impose on yourself.
So decide — right now — that you are in control. Dream big. Take action. And create the life you truly want.
Because you are in control.
How to implement this into your life:
Take our free Design Your Ideal Life course. This guides you to create a powerful and motivating vision for your ideal future life.
Eliminate Blame and Excuses – Blaming is just giving your power to others. Stop it forever by using the power of public accountability: tell your friends, family and colleagues that starting today, you are eliminating blame and excuses from your life.
Own Your Actions – Your health, finances, relationships, and career are all within your control. If they aren’t where you want them to be, take responsibility and decide on changes.
